For the past eight years, I have believed my husband to be comfortable with his manhood. I looked with some contempt at other men who seemed to need muscle cars, SUVs, and big trucks to compensate for something. Then Dan bought this:
But, hey, it was cheap, and it nicely increases the whole white trash look we've got going in the back yard.
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Bennett made a haunted house. Here are the ghosts:
He told me, "They don't run away when you turn on the light because they're made from non-scaring paper.

A conversation between Bennett and Dan:
B: Daddy, let's play a game.
D: What game?
B: We stare at each other and try not to blink, but the one who blinks first wins.
D: Let me get this straight: the one who blinks first wins?
B: Yes.
D: Well, what's the motivation not to blink if blinking first means you win?
B: That's what makes it so hard.

What a difference a severed head makes...

The property manager of my house in Vegas sent me some pictures of the house, and I'm pleased that it appears as though the tenants are keeping things in good shape. However, this picture was a shock to me:
There is not a single painting on the walls, but severed heads, yes . . . plenty of those! And that was my pretty room. Wow. Still, I'm glad they pay the rent; they don't have to agree with me in matters of decor or hunting.

On the review blog: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (film)

The Culprit:
The Crime:
The Remedy:

Born in the USA

Another 4th has come and gone. We had family in town, and it was a lot of fun, despite Bennett and his cousin, Cole, taking on a toxic plant and learning the consequences, which thankfully only consisted of a couple of days of vomit and misery with no lasting effects. (It was almost darling to see them huddled together over the toilet trying not to hit each other's heads with vomit). It was too bad they were out of commission for two days, since they love spending time together, wreaking havoc and whatnot. Is this picture symbolic of their relationship?Call it tradition or call it masochism, but as I have done almost every year, I joined the throngs for the fireworks display at the Sun Bowl. This year, sadly, no speech from Independence Day was played to get the crowd into a patriotic frenzy under threat of fictional alien invasion, but I wasn't completely let down---I was again treated to the sound of Springsteen shouting "Born in the USA" as I watched the fireworks. Last year I noted that I didn't think the planners of the St. George fireworks show listened to the lyrics before putting this song on the line up. Yet it's been on the line up every year that I can remember, and I wonder, can they be that dense? This year I've got a new theory. I think it could be that they're brilliant, and maybe they really have caught what should be the spirit of the 4th of July. I've decided "Born in the USA" is an incredibly patriotic song. Yes, it's an angry song about war and the plight of veterans coming home, but this is a country that allows complaint and protest, and that is, perhaps, its noblest attribute. Sure, on the 4th we should spend some time being grateful to live here, humming "God Bless America," but we should also spend some time thinking about what mistakes we've made, how we can avoid repeating them, and what we can do to make this country better. Wouldn't it be swell if being born in the USA didn't ever have to mean being sent toting a gun to a foreign land? If patriotism is gratitude and love for one's country with a desire to make and keep it a good place to live, and if nationalism is the belief that one's country is better than anyone else's with a blind defense of the nation's mistakes, let's keep it patriotic. I worry that we indoctrinate our children with nationalism. Bennett came home from school after the "USA" unit telling me how America is the BEST. Dan remembers asking his mother, who spent many of her young years in France, what it was like to live in a country that wasn't free. He was shocked to learn that the USA isn't the only free country. Anyway, in case you've never really listened (or if you just want to watch the part where Bruce Springsteen shamelessly displays his well formed butt in a pair of blue jeans (what's more American?), I give you "Born in the USA" (I love The Boss even more than Meat Loaf):

Bruce Springsteen - Born in the USA @ Yahoo! Video

And for your benefit, Stefani, Bennett's new favorite song---Bruce Stringbean and the S Street Band's version (though their "Born to Add" is actually better---you can also find Kermit singing "Dancin' in the Dark," complete with Piggy's stellar interpretation of Courtney Cox's role):


After the fireworks:
And this is how we amuse ourselves in my family. Hey, Glitter Ball Table Hockey is the coolest game ever around 1:00 am:

Bwahahahahaha!

Hey, I'm actually documenting an event less than a month after it actually occurred. The Mad Scientist turned six! Here he is in his lab coat wearing, mouth full of chocolate cake glory:

Watch out, Megan and Beka. I think those two may have come up with some new molecules. Let's hope they're not radioactive:


Makin' slime!:"Don't strike till you see the whites of its eye!" Oh, how Dan loves a chance to get in a good one liner. However, despite all of the well timed striking, the eye remained in tact even after all the kids had taken several whacks. Dan had to bring in the muscle:
After Dan had his way with it:
The birthday boy holding the fruits of Dad's labor from the bowls of an eye shaped pinata:
Enjoying a gift from Grandma:

On to Father's Day. I was sick that morning. The kids started their banter around 5:00 am. I whined at Dan to please get up with them. And I got breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. Poor Dan. He did, at least, get to go trekking through Pine Valley with Bennett:
Also, Dan turned really old. Warning: Mushiness will ensue---you might want to get a barf bag or skip this paragraph. I am so very glad Dan was born, and that I had the good fortune to cross his path, and that we managed to get through the most awkward courtship ever and actually end up married. He is so much better than I deserve. Truly I didn't even know a relationship could be this good, and I honestly feel sorry for everyone else, because I'm certain I've got the best marriage. Dan makes me feel beautiful (even when I'm not). He makes me feel like he thinks he got the good deal in this arrangement (which he didn't). We talk about everything, and he always gets me and never thinks I'm crazy. Okay, well, that's not true, he thinks I'm a nut case, but he loves me, even the craziness (okay, that's not entirely true either...but most of the craziness anyway).
I hope this next bit isn't crossing the line. Laraine will someday tell me I shouldn't have made this public, but I can't resist. She came and told me that she's "a mommy." She's got two little ping pong type balls in her dress. Is this based on how she sees my endowments? Should I feel insulted that she didn't at least go for tennis balls? I comfort myself with the knowledge that she could barely fit what she's got down that dress. Here's a "cleavage" shot:

Jasper's trying to get the balls out of her dress in this one:

On the Review Blog: Dan reviewed Up (movie, not preposition---is this joke getting old?)

Thanks to Elizabeth for taking the pictures at Bennett's party.

I Would Do Anything For Love....

Today's subject: Embracing the Shameless Melodrama
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm classy. Then I remember how much I love Meat Loaf. But how can you not love a guy who makes this his album cover? Yeah, sometimes I worry that there may be way too much Goth Dork in me.
I guess it's even more Jim Steinman than it is Meat Loaf. His rock anthems sometimes make me weak at the knees. Seriously. I love the soaring, passionate, crashing nature of his melodies---and his lyrics, screaming with emotion, yet barely making any sense. I love Bonnie Tyler, Air Supply, and *gasp* even Celine Dion if they're singing Steinman's stuff. Jim Steinman is the KING of melodrama (when it comes to melodrama royalty, his only real competition is Emily Bronte), but he knows it, and he pokes fun at it even as he wallows in it. I love this guy. I mean, he writes titles such as, "Life is a Lemon and I Want my Money Back" and "Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)." Check him out here performing "Hot Summer Night/The Wolf with the Red Roses"---it's brilliant (Meat Loaf singing "You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth" follows---and what can you say? Meat Loaf is awesome, but you'll probably only watch the whole video if you're really looking for enlightenment):


For your amusement, here's my list of Top Steinman lyrics---really just about any Steinman lyric is over the top, but here are my picks:
-"You're burning up in your bed, you got a fever of love/And there's not an antibody in sight"
-"Will ya cater to every fantasy I've got?/Will ya hose me down with holy water---if I get too hot?"
-"We're living in a powder keg/And giving off sparks"
-"And the last thing I see is my heart/Still beating/Still beating/Breaking out of my body and flying away/Like a bat out of hell"
-"We were doubly blessed/Cause we were barely seventeen/And we were barely dressed"
-"She used her body just like a bandage/She used my body just like a wound...But I can see her rising up out of the back seat now/Just like an angel rising out of a tomb!"
-"Oh I know you belong inside my aching heart/And can't you see my faded Levis bursting apart?" (Is that line really as bad as I think it is? I hope I haven't offended anyone, but how could it not make the list? Yet it actually comes from one of my favorite songs.)
-"I want you/I need you/But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you/ Now don't be sad/'Cause two out of three ain't bad"

Here's to the genius of Jim Steinman!

My brother showed me this the other day. Videos for Jim Steinman music are really good fodder for this kind of thing. I admit to being most amused by this:


And if you're interested in what might get my vote for cheesiest video ever...ah, it makes me grateful to have grown up in the 80s:



Okay, moving on....
It's been an age since I blogged, so here's a bit of what's been happening:

Big sigh of relief for my parents. They managed to get us all married off. Laurie and Dave are now living happily ever after. He's a pretty good guy. I like him, even though he likes the Next Generation more than the original Star Trek. (I always find myself questioning whether people with that opinion have souls, but I guess that's overly judgmental, and Dave appears to have a soul. Cool thing about Dave: His favorite book is Moby Dick. No, really.)
Here's an attempt at a photo of the family. Yeah, attempt.... Bennett appears to need the restroom.
Bennett graduated from kindergarten. Why can't colleges figure out how to hold a proper graduation? The kindergarten knows what's up. Graduation ceremonies should consist of less than a half hour of the graduates singing things like "The Wheels on the Bus" and we'd all be spared a lot of agony.
Bennett likes to make signs. Here are some examples. Dan was given this first one after displeasing Bennett in some manner.
I found this one on the bathroom door. Yes, folks, our bathroom is for the use of both genders.
I threw Laurie's bridal shower.

And some images from Easter:

Today's Reviews on Dangie's Reviews:

Taken (Past Participle, not movie) and
Star Trek: Beginnings

And I'll end this long and meandering post with a Dannism: "You know you're a Runner Dad when you've got My Little Pony Band-aids on your nipples." (In case you're confused, his shirt chafes him there.) Hmm...My Little Pony Band-aids on bleeding nipples....I'm thinking Jim Steinman could go somewhere with that...

DAngie: A Comedy of Errors (and a Leprechaun Story Too)

Dan and I went to Made in Brazil, one of those they-bring-you-lots-of-different-meats/buffet type restaurants. We were having a lovely time. The food was quite delicious, and we'd both nearly stuffed ourselves, so we wandered over to this little table next to the long buffet table with a selection of desserts on it, figuring we'd enjoy dessert and be on our way. I picked a blintz kinda thing and Dan picked flan. We took our desserts back to our table and sat down to dig in, or at least to try to dig in. I found myself needing a steak knife to cut my blintz and thought, "This doesn't seem right." I asked Dan, "How's your flan?" He responded that his flan was chewier than his past experience with flan would have led him to expect. At this point, I realized we had foolishly erred in thinking that this place included dessert for the 18 smackers and that we had taken floor model desserts. We sheepishly called our waitress over to apologize for being imbeciles and ruining the models. She said, "It's okay, but they're a lot better when they're fresh. They are an extra charge, but would you like fresh ones?" At this point, we'd have felt even more idiotic refusing, so we said yes, we'd like new ones and sorry again about destroying the models. But here's the upshot of this somewhat embarrassing narrative: when our waitress brought us the new desserts, she informed us that they were on the house because she felt bad that we'd been confused. So, here's just another bit of evidence that being a moron pays off. Dan and I got four desserts for the price of none (though the second set was much better). My advice to you when dining at Made in Brazil: try to eat the floor model desserts.

Pictures of kids:
Above is the illustration to Bennett's leprechaun story, which follows:

"'Twas the night before St. Patrick's Day, and not a creature was stirring, except for me and Laraine setting booby traps for leprechauns so that we could get their gold. When we woke up we had a big surprise. We found a leprechaun trapped, so we shook him like crazy saying, 'Where's your gold? Tell us no lies.' He said, 'It's at the end of the rainbow outside.' So we went out and got his gold." After I transcribed the story, Bennett wrote a 15 on the bottom of my transcription. I asked him why and was informed that it's rated PG-15, which seems somewhat excessive to me, but I guess there's that violent leprechaun shaking in there. I should also mention that the morning this story was composed I did indeed wake up to find that Bennett and Laraine had set up booby traps all over the house in hopes of catching leprechauns. The traps consisted mainly of boxes propped up by blocks. Clearly, had any leprechauns had the misfortune to enter our home that day, it would have been to their peril.

They're jammin' to some Buddy Holly. My kids have good taste.

The review today: Taken (movie, not past participle)