The Birthers May Be on to Something

Today I was thinking about the birthers (those who think Obama was born in Kenya). Of course, there are many who think that the Birther movement is completely absurd due to Obama having provided more documentation of the circumstances of his birth than any other presidential candidate in history. However, the more I think about it, the more it becomes clear to me that we really can't "know" the circumstances of Obama's birth. As any faithful viewer of "Days of Our Lives" will tell you, almost no one was born under the circumstances that they and their loved ones believe. For example, take one of my wife's favorite characters on the show. He was believed by his mother to have been conceived when Elvis Presley visited her in the hospital and impregnated her. However, it turned out that it wasn't Elvis at all, but Stefano Dimera in disguise. When one considers this irrefutable evidence, it seems extremely unlikely that President Obama is the product of a union between an eighteen-year-old white woman from Kansas and a Kenyan college student. I consider it much more likely that he is, in fact, the son of Elvis Presley and an African-American woman from Georgia by the name of Gertrude Jones. Elvis, of course, engineered Obama's false upbringing, having anticipated that in the monarchy-averse United States, people would be reluctant to vote for the only male heir to The King. As such, president Obama's true identity has remained a mystery, but I believe it will all be revealed after his presidency in the best selling book, Dreams from my Father II: I Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog by Barack Hussein Presley.